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Below are the 13 most recent journal entries recorded in Lauren's LiveJournal:

    Thursday, September 20th, 2001
    7:41 pm
    damn it
    it's happening again
    my imagination is running away with me again
    i feel it spinning around me
    the innevitable merry-go-round of my heart
    it's so predictable
    i set my dreams too high
    and they'll undoubtedl y come crashing back down
    the familiar sound of my heart shattering
    will ring in y ears once more
    i can still hear the echoes of last time
    i don't mean to
    the dreams just come
    unbeckoned
    unasked for
    just when i start thinking i'm invincible
    someone new appears
    and off he goes
    unknowingly working a way through my walls
    needling cracks in my defences
    through which my imagination can escape
    and off i go
    spinning uncontrolably
    around and around and around
    i should be concentrating on this stupid english assigment
    but my mind is melting
    leaking through the cracks
    running away with me again
    i'm dancing out scenarios in some far ahead time
    dreaming dreams yet to come true
    damn it
    it's happening again
    and i love it.
    Saturday, September 8th, 2001
    3:19 pm
    how do i hang on
    to my pieces
    the fabric of my past
    and the people that were the threads
    are stretching thin
    pulled by diverse winds of change
    and circumstance
    the weave is tearing
    like friends drifting apart
    i try to hold myself together
    but my grasp is slipping
    should i hang on
    til my knuckles are white?
    or is now the time to unravel the fabric
    and reweave myself
    keeping certain threads
    and letting the rest fall away
    i am sore from straining
    and i do not know how
    i can hang on
    Saturday, June 16th, 2001
    2:40 pm
    BLAH
    I feel bored and dejected. No one ever e-mails me anymore. I'm sick of having to stay on the island. but i have to because of work. and i need money. damn it. blah blah blah.
    Tuesday, June 12th, 2001
    9:03 pm
    Lalala....

    We went to our Irish Dancing teacher's going away party tongiht. It was a really big deal, lotsa people there. As usual at Mayne Island function party thingies, I felt lonely. I don't have any friends here. the girls are all so silly. but maybe i'm just being a bitchy grumpy unlikeable person. i hung around a felt sorry for myself for a while, and then finally found Jeneen to talk to. I hadn't talked to her before, and it was cool to get to know her a bit. She told me a lot about Saltspring (high school), and that was good to know. She talked a lot about herself, though, and didn't really ask me any questions. It's amazing how many people don't know how be friendly and hold proper conversations. They don't know how to ask. I guess I'm pretty good at that, 'coz it's amazing how often I seem to come away having learned a lot about someone, and realizing at the same time how little they still know about me. Anyway, I think maybe Jeneen will make me a friend. She looks like she'd be fun to hang out with, even if she is talking about herself the whole time, at least she makes her life sound entertaining.

    Current Mood: discontent
    Monday, June 11th, 2001
    11:23 am
    Grrrr. that's not the mood I wanted! and why can't I change my colours?
    11:22 am
    Home again, and I'm kinda weary. I've only had one day at home so far since my weekly trip to vancouver. Not that that's a bad thing...not at all. Anyway, yesterday was pretty cool. We went straight to the Gateway Theatre from the ferry, and hung around there for an hour during the rehearsal. That was the one time I got to see all the other students preform their dances, and they were all really cool. Made me wish I'd taken more classes. After that me and Marlies went back to Andrea's with Mishell. Ate a ton of Denis' yummy food (the reason I love going to her house), and hung out. We tried to put on stage make up, but none of us have mastered the art of putting on eye liner, and the result was a bit of a catastrophe. Oh well, hehe. Eventually it was time to go back to the theatre. We had to hang out in the dressing room for an hour and a half before it was our turn to perform. But being in the dressing room was an experience in itself. Jammed full of girls all primping and giggling and fussing and fretting. It was quite entertaining. Myself I wasn't too stressed about the performance. For one our dance is really short, and two, I really didn't care. The dance class I've been taking all year has just been for fun, and I wasn't staking any hopes on that night's performance at all. But alot of the other girls there were very serious about it all, and I could tell they were really nervous. Some of the costumes were really cool, expecially the spanish dancer's. Our's weren't all that bad, just that the neon yellow leotards made us look like the smiley face brigade. We should have painted faces on our chests.

    This was probably the biggest, most professional performance I've ever been in. The tickets were sold out, the theatre, which was huge, was jammed packed. There was a loud speaker in the dressing room and periodically a voice would come on and boom out, "five minutes until the top of act 1," or something along those lines. A lot of the younger girls seemed kinda ditzy, but I really admired the older troup. They were amazing, and they seemed like they were having a lot of fun. Someday I think I'd like to devote a whole year to dance and get really good at it. To be so fit and wirey and in control of your body must be amazing. Anyway, after spending an hour getting our hair and make-up perfect (I didn't do my own ;), and getting stuck with a thousand pins so that our bras didn't show, it was finally time for my little group to make an appearance. A very brief appearance. After all that preparation and hype, it seemed like we just went on, did a few twirls, and a second later were walking off again. We left at intermission, because we didn't want to spend a whole two hours more back stage. Apparently, contrary to our preminitions, our dance looked really great! I'm glade. Anyway, that's that. The year is over. Now begins that nice inbetween summery time, and after that... school?

    Current Mood: indescribable
    10:53 am
    Home again, and I'm kinda weary. I've only had one day at home so far since my weekly trip to vancouver. Not that that's a bad thing...not at all. Anyway, yesterday was pretty cool. We went straight to the Gateway Theatre from the ferry, and hung around there for an hour during the rehearsal. That was the one time I got to see all the other students preform their dances, and they were all really cool. Made me wish I'd taken more classes. After that me and Marlies went back to Andrea's with Mishell. Ate a ton of Denis' yummy food (the reason I love going to her house), and hung out. We tried to put on stage make up, but none of us have mastered the art of putting on eye liner, and the result was a bit of a catastrophe. Oh well, hehe. Eventually it was time to go back to the theatre. We had to hang out in the dressing room for an hour and a half before it was our turn to perform. But being in the dressing room was an experience in itself. Jammed full of girls all primping and giggling and fussing and fretting. It was quite entertaining. Myself I wasn't too stressed about the performance. For one our dance is really short, and two, I really didn't care. The dance class I've been taking all year has just been for fun, and I wasn't staking any hopes on that night's performance at all. But alot of the other girls there were very serious about it all, and I could tell they were really nervous. Some of the costumes were really cool, expecially the spanish dancer's. Our's weren't all that bad, just that the neon yellow leotards made us look like the smiley face brigade. We should have painted faces on our chests.

    This was probably the biggest, most professional performance I've ever been in. The tickets were sold out, the theatre, which was huge, was jammed packed. There was a loud speaker in the dressing room and periodically a voice would come on and boom out, "five minutes until the top of act 1," or something along those lines. A lot of the younger girls seemed kinda ditzy, but I really admired the older troup. They were amazing, and they seemed like they were having a lot of fun. Someday I think I'd like to devote a whole year to dance and get really good at it. To be so fit and wirey and in control of your body must be amazing. Anyway, after spending an hour getting our hair and make-up perfect (I didn't do my own ;), and getting stuck with a thousand pins so that our bras didn't show, it was finally time for my little group to make an appearance. A very brief appearance. After all that preparation and hype, it seemed like we just went on, did a few twirls, and a second later were walking off again. We left at intermission, because we didn't want to spend a whole two hours more back stage. Apparently, contrary to our preminitions, our dance looked really great! I'm glade. Anyway, that's that. The year is over. Now begins that nice inbetween summery time, and after that... school?

    Current Mood: indifferent
    Wednesday, June 6th, 2001
    7:18 am
    I woke up early this morning. The only sounds were the rain on the roof and the birds outside my window. So I turned on Ani to add to the peaceful effect and I lay there and dreamed about the folk fest and when I'm going to see Ani live. Meg said she's gonna see if she and I can maybe cook Ani a meal. I don't know how plausable that is, but man it would be so awesome to meet her. I'm not sure what I would say. There's so many things...
    I wrote my own song this week. It's called Ideal. It's about how when you like someone, but you don't really know them all that well, unconsciously you begin to make up all these things about them, things you'd like to be true. You project upon them a person you want them to be, somebody who would suit you perfectly. Anyway, my song explains it better than I can right now. It's easier to express things through poetry. You can sum up many thoughts with just a few carefully chosen words. Too bad everyone can't speak poetry all the time, it would save a lot of time...

    Current Mood: mellow
    Tuesday, May 29th, 2001
    10:46 am
    all the pretty horses...
    We got our third horse today! Well, we haven't actually bought him, but he's staying with us for the summer, and probably next summer too. His name's Cool, and he's a Standerdbred just like Rasta. We rode to meet him and Tracy this morning and then rode together back to the farm. The horses are kinda wary of eachother still. They kep squealing at eachother over the fence. They'll be alright in a day or two.
    I'm pretty good...I was feeling kinda down yesterday, but it's partly 'coz I had a cold. Life's pretty good. I'm excited because I'm going to see Ani this summer! Yeah! Silly Megan knew all along and she didn't tell me. I talked to Meg on the phone last night for like an hour. It was nice. She makes me jelous though, she's having such an exciting life and mine seems so blah in comparison... And it's sad 'coz she's such a good friend but she's never around...
    Okay, time to quit slacking off and go work on my novel...

    Current Mood: lazy
    Monday, May 21st, 2001
    9:34 am
    Summer!
    It's been a wonderful weekend! Beautiful weather, it makes me so happy! Summer, yeah! So our friends the Lejays and Mishell have been out all weekend. And we've been hanging out with these folks I haven't seen in two years. On Saturday we met them at the park and had this huge game of Ultimate Frisbe (a whole bunch of kids appeared out of no where to join us, must be some school visiting the island or something). I sucked but it was fun. Last night Eric and Anna were over for dinner, and we went back in the mound and plaued 'Capture the Flag'. I haven't played in years, it was actually really fun. There were about thirteen of us playing. Sunfire Meadow is in flame right now, and it was fun racing through the yellow broom. It's the best place to play that game, 'coz the broom is so thick it form all these tunnles, perfect for hiding in or stalking people. :)
    I also worked this weekend. It's boring work, but oh well. I'm trying to teach the parrot to say "wassup chicks?" but so far, no matter how long I spend in front of his cage repeating that phrase, the only response I ever get is, "Squawk??" I sing to him too as I work, he seems to like it.
    The puppies are so adorable. They'll be leaving soon, but I try to to think about that, and just enjoy them as much as I can while we have them.
    This morning me, Marlise, Andrea and Mishell gave the horses an extensive grooming. We'd given them a bath yesterday, but, ofcourse, as soon as we put them back in the field they lay down and rolled in the dirt. Anyway, we braided their manes and wove flowers in to them. They look sooo beautiful.
    Anyway, life is good. Summers here and I'm happy.

    Current Mood: high
    9:21 am
    Summer!
    It's been a wonderful weekend! Beautiful weather, it makes me so happy! Summer, yeah! So our friends the Lejays and Mishell have been out all weekend. And we've been hanging out with these folks I haven't seen in two years. On Saturday we met them at the park and had this huge game of Ultimate Frisbe (a whole bunch of kids appeared out of no where to join us, must be some school visiting the island or something). I sucked but it was fun. Last night Eric and Anna were over for dinner, and we went back in the mound and plaued 'Capture the Flag'. I haven't played in years, it was actually really fun. There were about thirteen of us playing. Sunfire Meadow is in flame right now, and it was fun racing through the yellow broom. It's the best place to play that game, 'coz the broom is so thick it form all these tunnles, perfect for hiding in or stalking people. :)
    I also worked this weekend. It's boring work, but oh well. I'm trying to teach the parrot to say "wassup chicks?" but so far, no matter how long I spend in front of his cage repeating that phrase, the only response I ever get is, "Squawk??" I sing to him too as I work, he seems to like it.
    The puppies are so adorable. They'll be leaving soon, but I try to to think about that, and just enjoy them as much as I can while we have them.
    This morning me, Marlise, Andrea and Mishell gave the horses an extensive grooming. We'd given them a bath yesterday, but, ofcourse, as soon as we put them back in the field they lay down and rolled in the dirt. Anyway, we braided their manes and wove flowers in to them. They look sooo beautiful.
    Anyway, life is good. Summers here and I'm happy.

    Current Mood: high
    Sunday, April 8th, 2001
    3:40 pm
    Doop doop dee doop...hmm i'm kinda bored. I worked today. Five hours down on my knees shoveling bird shavings, lugging bags of bird shavvings, feeding the nasty little shits and listening to them screech none stop so that my ears are still ringing. Heh, actually, it wasn't that bad. They are pretty cute. It was sunny when I got home so i went with my mom and walked in to town and saw a harp concert. I actually went for the ice cream at the end, but the concert wasn't bad.
    wellah, gotta go...
    Saturday, March 31st, 2001
    3:42 pm
    Livejournal eh?
    Hmm, well I guess I'll give this thing a try. I heard about livejournal a week ago and since then about three other people have mentioned it to me. i'd never heard of it before. Funny how you'll learn or hear about something which you knew about before and suddenly it seems like the whole world's talking about it. That seems to happen to me a lot anyway.
    Anyway, I keep a personal journal which I write in almost daily so this may be kinda pointless, but I was having fun reading other people's journals so I guess I might aswell contribute with a page of my own too.
    Well in five minutes I have to leave for my job (which I just started). I'm feeding and looking after birds at this averie nearby. You may be surprised but it actually is quite interesting.
    Hmm, I'm tired. My friends Curi and Mariah were out this week, along with Nick and Rob. It was awesome. but i'm still sleepy.
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